It’s back. The guilt. The worry. The constant self doubt of working motherhood.
It’s been a busy and challenging time at work with lots of pressure, trips away, late nights and generally having to be ‘on it’. Every. Single. Day.
Then we’ve hit the home straight of year 6 for Boy1. Yep, SATS week was upon us.
Where was I to support him? Away. Of the whole week of tests I was only there for one day.
I’d call in the evening to ‘check-in’ when he’s shattered and doesn’t really want to chat, but I’ll ask him about it anyway. More to ease my guilt than anything else.
This was just one week. In a few months he’ll be starting high school (!) so I can only imagine how much support he’ll need from us then. New daily or weekly routines, not to mention the masses of homework he’ll be getting. Meanwhile I’m still here trying to manage my workload.
I have this innate hatred of letting people down. Yep I’m that kid in class who always did her homework no matter what. But its bloody tiring. I know I’m reliable, which means I can be a victim of my own standards. I’ve got my own hobbies and commitments which always seem to come bottom of the list – let alone trying to actually do some exercise! I’m just worried that it will impact my kids.
With every July that ends, its another school year over. Another year closer to them being truly independent and not wanting or needing to spend time with me.
So the juggling will continue, but I’m hoping to take some real time (when I find it) to look at how I can get more control over the various balls in my life.
Any tips are always welcome