I’m more aware that first born is getting closer to teen years (he turned 10 in the summer!) and our relationship is changing, he is changing. Whilst we’ve spent a lot of time focusing on education and schools, making sure he’s eating properly and all that important stuff, I want to make sure I don’t forget to enjoy being with him.

Chatting, playing, learning more about the person he’s becoming. Because I know that gradually he’ll be less inclined to spend time with me (sob*). So we’ve had a movie afternoon, a bike ride and a rubbish attempt at a run.

It’s been fun. I’m having to learn how to interact with a pre-teen! But I worry that as each day passes, I might know him a little less. He Facetimes his friends, plays on the Playstation, practices his guitar, goes to the corner shop, all independently. Without me. Without needing me. As much as I want to be proud of his growing independence, it gives me a sense of loss.

I know that the random hugs are becoming less likely and that they are only likely to happen when he is truly in pain, physical or emotional.

I know the random monologues about his day are fading.

I know the excitement about a new episode of his favourite cartoon has stopped.

I’ve seen his rose-tinted view of the world is becoming even more grey.

And yes, I think I even miss the random, slightly comical tantrums, because I know the more testosterone-filled, parental despise fuelled ones are coming.

He’s a black boy. Those racially-led  issues I’ve often tried not share with him are coming and I’m scared.

He’ll be in high school come September and the independence will be in full swing.

So I’m trying to find new ways for us to enjoy each others company without smothering or patronising him, but helping him feel like I’m still here. I’m still his mum.

Its such a confusing time, but I’m embracing it.

Any tips are greatly received 😬

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